Most parents know they should name a guardian for their kids, and most have no idea how to choose a guardian for their child without starting a family argument. The paperwork is not what stops them. The question "who would raise our children?" is hard to say out loud, so it gets pushed to next year.
The numbers show how common that is. According to Caring.com's 2025 Wills and Estate Planning Study, only 24% of Americans have a will, down from 33% in 2022, and parents of children under 18 are the largest group without one. The most common reason people gave was that they "just haven't gotten around to it."
This guide gives you the steps, a scoring worksheet you can use tonight, and the part most guides skip: making sure the money you leave actually reaches the person raising your kids.
The short answer: Choose a guardian by listing the adults who share your values and could realistically raise your children, scoring them on a few honest criteria, asking your top choice and a backup directly, and naming both in a signed will. Then decide separately who manages the money. Without a will, a court chooses, and only 24% of Americans had one in 2025 (Caring.com).
How do you choose a guardian for your child?
You choose a guardian by starting with values and daily care, not with who might be offended. Make a short list, test each name against the same criteria, talk honestly with your first choice, and put the decision in a will. It takes a few evenings, not months.
- List everyone plausible. Siblings, parents, cousins, close friends, even the names you doubt.
- Agree on your criteria first. Decide with your partner what matters most before discussing names, so the talk stays about your kids, not whose family "wins."
- Score each candidate. Use the worksheet in the worked example below. It will not decide for you, but it shows the trade-offs.
- Ask your top choice directly. Do not assume. Ask whether they would be willing, what would worry them, and whether their partner is on board.
- Pick a backup. Your first choice may move, get sick, or say no.
- Decide who handles the money. This can be the same person or someone else (more on this below).
- Make it legal. Name the guardian and the backup in a will drafted or reviewed by an estate-planning attorney in your state, then tell the people involved where it is.
What happens if you die without naming a guardian?
If you die without naming a guardian and no other parent can take over, a judge decides who raises your children. Relatives can petition, and the court weighs the child's best interests, but without knowing your wishes or the quiet reasons you would never pick a certain relative.
Guardianship usually comes into play only when both parents have died or the surviving parent cannot care for the child, since a surviving legal parent generally keeps custody. It matters most for single parents, couples who travel together, and anyone whose former partner would not be the right person.
Naming someone in your will is technically a nomination, not an automatic appointment. In California, for example, a parent may nominate "a guardian of the person or estate, or both," and the court then appoints a guardian under Probate Code section 1514. A clear, current nomination is the strongest voice you will have in that room.
What should you look for in a guardian?
Look for someone who shares your core values, has the health and energy to raise your children to adulthood, already has a real bond with them, and has room in their life for more kids. Money matters less than you might think, because you can plan to provide it.
- Values and parenting style. Faith, education, discipline, how they talk to kids. Focus on the two or three things you would hate to see change.
- Age and health for the whole stretch. Count the years until your youngest turns 18. A loving grandparent in their late 60s may be in their 80s by the end.
- Existing relationship. A child going through a loss usually finds more comfort in someone they already know.
- Room in their life. Space at home, their own children, work schedules, and whether their partner is fully on board.
- Continuity. Would your kids have to change schools or states, or leave friends and grandparents behind?
- Willingness. The only way to know is to ask.
Notice what is not on the list: who earns the most. Your job is to make sure the money comes with your children.
Should the guardian also manage the money?
The guardian does not have to manage the money. The law treats raising a child and managing a child's money as two different jobs. California's code, for example, lets a parent nominate a guardian "of the person or estate, or both" (Probate Code section 1500).
- Guardian of the person: raises your child day to day. School, doctors, bedtime, birthdays.
- Guardian of the estate, trustee, or custodian: manages money left to your child, pays for what they need, and keeps records.
One person doing both is simpler. Splitting the roles makes sense when your best choice to raise the kids is not a confident money manager, or when you want a second adult watching the spending. If you split them, pick two people who respect each other, because they will talk often.
How do you make sure the money actually reaches your child's guardian?
Make sure the money reaches your child's guardian by never naming a minor as a direct beneficiary, using a trust or a custodian instead, and checking every beneficiary form you own. Your will generally does not control life insurance or retirement accounts. Those forms do.
According to a Munich Re best-practice note on the challenge of minor beneficiaries, "life insurance companies cannot make payments directly to a minor." If your child is named directly, a court usually has to appoint a guardian of the estate first, which is a probate proceeding that "may require a bond be posted" and can take several months in some places.
Families usually use one of three routes:
- A trust named as beneficiary. You choose the trustee, the age your child receives the money, and what it can pay for along the way. An estate-planning attorney sets it up.
- A custodian under your state's Uniform Transfers to Minors Act (UTMA). Simpler and cheaper, but the money goes to your child outright at an age set by state law. In California, custodial property from a will or trust is handed over at 18 unless the document names a later age, up to 25 (Probate Code section 3920.5). Other states set different ages.
- Social Security survivors benefits. If you paid Social Security taxes, your children may qualify for monthly survivors benefits. The Social Security Administration says "the law requires most minor children ... to have payees", and a guardian often serves as that representative payee.
If you are not sure your life insurance would cover your kids until they are grown, our guide on how much life insurance a stay-at-home parent needs shows the math, and our checklist for how to review your life insurance policy includes the beneficiary checks that catch this problem.
A worked example: the Brooks family
This example is illustrative. Marcus and Elena Brooks live in Columbus, Ohio, with Mia (7) and Leo (4). Leo turns 18 in 14 years, so a guardian may need to commit for 14 years. They scored three candidates from 1 (weak) to 5 (strong) on the six criteria above.
Rosa and Luis (Elena's sister and her husband, Denver, two kids of their own):
- Values 5, age and health 5, relationship 4, room in their life 3, continuity 2, willingness 5
- Total: 24 out of 30
Gloria and Ray (Marcus's parents, ages 67 and 69, ten minutes away):
- Values 4, age and health 2, relationship 5, room in their life 4, continuity 5, willingness 4
- Total: 24 out of 30
- The low health score came from the timeline: 67 + 14 = 81 and 69 + 14 = 83 by the time Leo turns 18.
Tom and Jess (close friends, same school district, no children):
- Values 4, age and health 5, relationship 3, room in their life 5, continuity 5, willingness 5
- Total: 27 out of 30
The worksheet did not hand them an answer, but it changed the conversation. Elena had assumed her sister was the obvious choice. The continuity scores showed how much they both wanted the kids to stay in the same school, near Marcus's parents. Tom and Jess said yes after a week to think it over, and Rosa and Luis agreed to be the backup.
Tom was comfortable raising two kids but not managing a large sum alone, so the Brookses split the roles: Tom and Jess as guardians, Elena's cousin as trustee of a trust for the kids. Then they checked their life insurance and found both policies named Mia and Leo directly as contingent beneficiaries. They changed both to the trust in one afternoon, sparing their kids a court process at the worst possible time.
Are you in Canada? Here is what changes
In Canada, guardianship is provincial law, so the rules depend on where you live. In Ontario, a parent with decision-making responsibility "may appoint by will one or more persons" to care for the child after the parent's death, under section 61 of the Children's Law Reform Act.
Two details surprise Ontario parents:
- The person must consent. The Act says no appointment "is effective without the consent of the person appointed." Asking first is not just polite, it is required.
- The appointment is temporary. It "expires ninety days after the appointment becomes effective" unless the person applies to court within that window. Your guardian should know this, and know where your will is.
The money side works differently in Canada too: there is no UTMA. Ask a lawyer in your province how funds left to a child are held if there is no trust, and whether a trust in your will makes sense for your family.
6 mistakes parents make when naming a guardian
- Never asking. A surprise appointment can be declined, and in Ontario it has no effect without consent.
- Defaulting to grandparents. They may be the right choice. Check the timeline first.
- Naming a couple with no plan for a split. Say which person you mean if they separate.
- No backup. One name is a single point of failure.
- Naming your kids as beneficiaries. It can send the money through court. Use a trust or a custodian.
- Setting it and forgetting it. Review your choice after a birth, a move, a divorce, or a falling-out.
Frequently asked questions
Who can be a guardian for a child?
In general, any adult a court finds suitable can be a guardian for a child: a grandparent, sibling, other relative, or close friend. The court's test is the child's best interests, and your nomination in a will tells it who you trust and why.
How many guardians can a child have?
Most parents name one guardian, or a married couple, plus one or two backups in order. Ontario's law allows parents to appoint "one or more persons." If you name a couple, say what happens if they separate, and pick the backup as carefully as your first choice.
What happens to a child if their guardian dies?
If the guardian you named dies or cannot serve, your named backup is next. With no backup, a court appoints someone, which is exactly what naming a guardian was meant to avoid. Naming at least one alternate and reviewing your will after major life changes keeps this in your hands.
Does the guardian have to pay for my children out of their own pocket?
No, and you should not plan it that way. Life insurance paid into a trust, other savings, and Social Security survivors benefits can all support your children. The Social Security Administration says most minor children need a representative payee to receive benefits, and the guardian often takes that role.
Can I change my child's guardian later?
Yes. You can update your will at any time while you are alive and capable, and it is wise to review your choice every few years. A new baby, a move, a divorce, or a change in the guardian's health are all good reasons to revisit it and update your beneficiary forms at the same time.
Your next step
Tonight, write down three names and one sentence for each on why they would be good for your kids. Then find your life insurance and retirement account beneficiary forms and check whether any of them name your children directly.
A guardianship nomination belongs in a will prepared or reviewed by an estate-planning attorney in your state or province. KAV's advisors are not attorneys, but we can help with the money side. KAV Solutions offers a complimentary Financial Need Analysis. A licensed, independent advisor walks through how much coverage your children would need, how your beneficiary forms are set up, and the questions to bring to your attorney. No products pushed, no fees, no pressure.
KAV Solutions is a women-led community of licensed financial professionals educating families across the USA and Canada. This article is general education, not individualized financial, tax, or legal advice. Guardianship, trust, and transfers-to-minors rules vary by state and province.
